The
relationship between a mother and daughter is never perfect. There will be a
time of tension and disapproval. For many, this tension fades as the daughter
matures and grows up, establishing her own beliefs and making a life for
herself. In this novel though, the relationship between Lola and Belicia has
always been full of tension and will remain this way for the rest of their
lives. The two don't seem to see eye to eye. Lola can never get things right
with her mother. The reason for this is that Belicia doesn’t want Lola to end
up just like she did: a single mother of two dying of cancer and still
heartbroken from the deceitful loves of her younger, lustful days.
Lola
realizes that she and her mother have a lot in common. They both have big
personalities and can’t hold their tongues to save their lives. As a young
girl, Belicia thought about boys all of the time. She wanted to be loved, to be
cared, for by someone other than La Inca. She found the desire she was
searching for in intimate relationships with powerful men. They made her feel
special; she thought they would get married and have a happy family eventually.
This ended up getting her in trouble and leaving her lonely and distressed,
first with Jack Pujols then with the Gangster. Still, Belicia knew that as a
woman in the Dominican Republic, she had to put herself out there for new
experiences and heartbreak. She ends up confessing to Lola, “All I wanted was
to dance. What I got instead was esto…” (113). Nothing turned out as planned in
Belicia’s life, and as she sees the same things happening to Lola, she lashes
out.
Even though
Belicia has good intentions for her daughter, she ends up pushing her into
rebellion. Lola feels just as powerless as Belicia once felt. In order to gain
power, Lola follows her heart. She explains, “Yes, the wildness was in me, yes
it kept my heart beating fast all the long day, yes it danced around me while I
walked down the street… but I was still scared” (58). As Lola takes control of
this “wildness”, she does things similar to what Belicia once did. She falls in
love with Aldo, or more so the idea of him, and runs away to be with him. All
she can say of him is, “He was like all boys: beautiful and callow, and like an
insect he couldn’t sit still” (61). Unlike Belicia, Lola knew to end the
relationship when it was no longer serving her. Still, both Belicia and Lola
ran away from their lives to feel loved, to gain power from just being with a
man.
What
Belicia and Lola both fail to recognize is that a stronger, more positive
relationship between the two of them would have made a big difference. Both women would have been
able to obtain their desired power if they had come together and used each
other as a source of strength. Instead they were a source of contention,
depleting one another’s strengths
I love this idea that Lola and Beli are so against each other because they know how much they are alike. I definitely think that may be one of the reasons Beli is so hard on Lola, because she doesn't want her to make the same mistakes she did.
ReplyDeleteOn a different level, I also think that all the lost loves of Beli's past have made her a harder woman in the heart. She has been shut down so many times by the people who were supposed to "love" her in her life and she never got a chance to truly love and be loved. I think this may have "stunted" her emotional growth in a way. Perhaps she believes "tough love" is an adequate way to show someone you care.
I also see this as a difference between La Inca and a mother and Beli as a mother. Even though she was hard at times, it was obvious that La Inca loved Beli. It was stated multiple times that La Inca could never bring herself to hit her child. However, this was not the case with Beli. She was much more aggressive and abusive to her daughter than La Inca was. I think this also has to do with the way men treated her as she was growing up. It's sad to think about because then it's entirely possible that Lola will grow up to be the same way due to her mother and the men she involves herself with.
Up to this point in the novel, I believe Beli and Lola have the most dynamic relationship due to, as you said, their sharing of similarities unbeknownst to themselves. They are so alike that they push each other away. While I do think their big personalities have something to do with their struggling relationships, I think it is their hurt and pain within themselves that connects this mother and daughter more than anything else. In the previous novel we read, A Visit from the Goon Squad, we made the recognition in class that it is very hard to understand or appreciate a person without having full knowledge of their past, and I feel this also holds true to this novel in accordance to Beli. We realize she mothers Lola in the way she does because of her own experience as a young woman. While “tough love” might be an understatement, we realize Beli treats Lola in the way she does because she is slowly staring to see herself in Lola, and she does not want her daughter going down the same path she did. After Beli’s tragic relationship with the Gangster, “Her dreams are spare, lack of propulsion of a mission, her ambition without traction. Her fiercest hope? That she will find a man.” (164) A life centered on love is something Lola and Beli have in common. The interesting twist is that this connection tears them apart: Lola wants to be nothing like her mom, and Beli sees Lola spiraling into her ways. After Beli’s third heartbreak, “she would never love again.” (164) This refusal of love carried over into her affection for her children. While we know she loves Lola, her refusal to show admiration and affection impacts her relationship with not only Lola, but within herself.
ReplyDeleteI also really agree with this idea of mother vs. daughter and find it intriguing that Beli so clearly represents the continuation in a cycle of abuse. She grew up in extremely harsh conditions and was only cared for properly by La Inca. Her consequent relationship experiences shaped her into a harsh and unforgiving person regardless of who she interacted with, and this aspect of her personality definitely rubbed off on Lola. I found Beli and Lola to be exactly alike in several instances, but especially on page 125 which says "...Beli, committed as she was to an idealized notion of what love was, could find it in her heart to revise her views." Both women chased the idea of a life full of romance at a young age, and it set them both up for heartbreak when they chose dysfunctional/abusive relationships.
ReplyDeleteI also think it’s important to note the prominence of La Inca's presence in both Beli and Lola's lives. When Lola was sent to Santo Domingo she underwent a change, as did Beli when she first moved in with La Inca. La Inca is a positive influence on both women and her strong faith is what allows both women to continue on at one point in each of their lives. Although we don’t know La Inca’s full backstory, she plays a large role in the lives of all main characters in the book and serves as a link between the past and present.
As all of you said, I think the conflict between Beli and Lola arises from the fact that they are similar to each other. Beli went through the same troubles, and she is aware of what awaits at the end of that journey Lola could potentially take. When Beli first considered going to El Hollywood, it says, "Beli thought about it for... La inca waiting for her...the heartbreak that was beginning to fade in her." (113). Such thoughts are similar to what Lola had when she decided to run away from Paterson. She says, “That’s how much I hated them. Her” (64) and “But of course I was happy! Happy!” (65) when she constantly rationalizes that her new environment was better than her old one.
ReplyDeleteThe position La Inca took with Beli is also different from the position Beli takes with Lola. La Inca does not approve of Beli’s actions, but she never oppresses her. Beli, on the other hand, uses all of her power as a mother to keep Lola under control. As we discussed in class, the difference between their approaches perhaps stems from the fact that La Inca is an “independent” woman in a sense that she does not depend on men to survive. All the power Beli had was from her sexuality and how she used it on men. Her power as mother was the only true power she ever had that was based on position as a person. Beli’s desired to exercise that authority perhaps added extra tension to an already brittle relationship.