For someone who would probably describe herself as a “strong, independent black woman who don’t need no man,” Ifemelu certainly places security over love in her relationships with anyone but Obinze. With Obinze, she is herself, with dreams and ambitions, but only when she steps outside of her “American” comforts zones does she find true success without a man. In other words, Ifemelu is merely complacent with other men, finding happiness despite them, but she finds true happiness because of Obinze. When she stops speaking to Obinze after her prostitution and consequent shame in America, she embarks on a series of relationships in which she is content, but not happy.
First, Ifemelu dates Curt, who treats her like a princess (according to Aunty Uju, anyway). “A sense of contentment overwhelmed her. That was what Curt had given her, this gift of contentment, of ease” (Adichie 246). Curt is always upbeat and positive, the All-American man, and he attempts to help Ifemelu ease into her new life. However, he is an overeager people pleaser who, as a white male, does not fully comprehend Ifemelu’s struggle as a minority. But Ifemelu is comfortable in her position until she realizes how much more devoted Curt is to the relationship. “‘I don’t want to be a sweetheart, I want to be the [expletive] love of your life,’ Curt said with a force that startled her.” (278) She remains where she is for the sake of convenience but will not commit to the adoring Curt, for she fears fully giving herself to someone other than Obinze.
Ifemelu then dates Blaine, who also treats her well but with more of a methodical sense of caring. “She thought of him as a person who did not have a normal spine but had, instead, a firm reed of goodness” (383). Blaine is a left-wing, African-American activist, cooking for Ifemelu and enlightening her on the next great novel. But he is a self-righteous man who often patronizes Ifemelu, and she is fully aware that she does not fit in with his friends. This is probably why Ifemelu skips Blaine’s library protest in favor of Kavanagh’s luncheon on page 426. Ifemelu finally realizes that she does not have to lean on Blaine for security and bend to his every desire. Of course, this also shows a lack of commitment to Blaine, but perhaps Ifemelu finally recognizes what is important to her life (her blog, Obinze, her friends) and what is not (Blaine’s judgment, his opinionated friends).
With each new man in Ifemelu’s life comes a comparison to Obinze. In fact, when she finally encounters Obinze again in Lagos, she tells him as much. “I always saw the ceiling with other men,” (551) implying that she never felt passion for any of these lesser important lovers. In short, Ifemelu is never able to find more than temporary security with Curt or Blaine, for she has too much history with Obinze and thus will never be able to commit to anyone but him.
I would definitely agree with your claim, that all of Ifemelu’s relationships place security over love, except for Obinze. Ifemelu rejects all her secure relationships out of love, or something like it, for Obinze. Their connection over their shared background and previous dating history are too deep for her to surpass.
ReplyDeleteAnother example of this that you did not cite occurs in the final pages of the novel. Ifemelu and Obinze are fighting, and she has decided to move on. This is different from when they broke up earlier in the novel, because this time they actually had a fight. Obinze tells her their relationship is moving too fast, and she replies with “go to hell” (558). Ifemelu eventually goes on a date with a Nigerian named Fred, acknowledging that “she liked him” (587). Fred is nice, well-mannered, and probably somewhat wealthy since he has a personal chef. They share common interests in movies and Ifemelu seems to like him, despite never coming out and saying that she loves him.
Then, with all of those positive things in mind, Obinze comes back and she forgives him. The end of the book is somewhat open ended, but I took it to mean that she decides to get back together with Obinze. She had a stable relationship with Fred, but because she couldn’t “feel what she wanted to feel” (587) with him, she chooses Obinze out of love once again.
I do agree with you that all of the men in Ifemelu's life seem to be compared to Obinze. I think the novel sets it up that way so that it seems logical for her to, we're assuming, end up with him in the end. I think it is also interesting to explore the security aspect of her relationships because I feel as though she often ends up putting up with the men in her life for far too long. She often uses the men as a security blanket. Also, I noticed that she does not stay single in America for too long.
ReplyDeleteTake Curt, for example. Their relationship ends because Ifemelu cheats on him. She doesn’t break up with him when he cheats on her, or when she’s frustrated with his behavior. She impulsively decides to sleep with another man, and that’s what ends their relationship. She is too afraid and doesn’t have the courage to break up with Curt, so instead she sabotages their relationship, a fact pointed out by Ginika (355). She grieves her loss of relationship for an appropriate period of time, and then moves on to Blaine. Ifemelu loves the security her relationships with Curt and Blaine give her, but she always ends them because they can’t compare to the love she shared with Obinze.