"The Hot White Ex"

I think Curt's character is most interesting for the duality and intimacy of racism that he illustrates, the way it works in the private space of his and Ifemelu's relationship.  She notes that he "grasped one thing but was completely tone-deaf about another similar thing, how he could easily make one imaginative leap, but be crippled in the face of another"(291). He adores Ifemelu but also cannot completely understand her perspective. He truly cares for her but also fetishizes her exoticness. When Ifemelu has her hair relaxed, he is deeply sympathetic to her pain and enraged at the necessity of it in her career search. There is an undertone, too, however, that he is disappointed at the loss of her more 'African' look. While Ifemelu does not say it outright, she is sensitive to the idea that Curt sees her at least partially as an exotic wonder and not simply another human being.  It emerges when she reacts strongly to the stranger who comments on Curt liking her 'jungle,' and her pain when she reflects on the hair of Curt's ex-girlfriends.

Ifemelu is deeply bothered by the smoothing over of race issues in favor of politeness and acceptance.  Curt is, of course, a master of conflict-easing and charm.  Perhaps this is part of why Ifemelu can not stay with him.  While Curt seems to try to understand Ifemelu's experience, he is ultimately driven by his need for affirmation, the "something in him" Ifemelu describes as "lighter than ego but darker than insecurity, that needed constant buffing, polishing, waxing" (207). His privilege and sense of entitlement at times allows him to overcome his insecurity and act in Ifemelu's defense, such as when he demands that the women at the spa wax her eyebrows, or in the way he introduces her to his WASPy childhood friends at a cocktail party.  However, they also prevents him from really grasping the world she inhabits, as is demonstrated in the way he assumes Ifemelu will be his girlfriend and his failure to recognize how skewed against dark-skinned women American magazines are. Ifem recognizes that his love is what is responsible for his more open mind, and that it made possible even the level of understanding he achieves. This realization inspires her first blog post, where she writes, "The simplest solution to the problem of race in America? Romantic love... the kind that twists you and wrings you out and makes your breathe through the nostrils of your beloved.  And because that real deep romantic love is so rare, and because American society is set up o make it even rarer between American Black and American White, the problem of race in America will never be solved" (298).

Curt provides for Ifemelu the things that many of her Nigerian peers seek.  Aunty Uju is cruel about their breakup because in her romantic relationships she has always been looking for a 'Curt,' a man who would pay her bills and take her on vacations.  Through him, Ifemelu has the worldliness Emenike had long desired and the job Obinze fights so hard for. I think Ifemelu's rejection of him is a sign of her seeking more in America than comfort, material wealth, or even happiness.  She is looking to understand and be understood, and when she and Curt break up she works toward these things in her blog. Out from under the protective, but also restrictive, wing of Curt's mollifying personality and material help, Ifemelu is able to think and express herself clearly.